FILLIO DEFEATS CITY HALL
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Alexandria, VA, October 12, 2006 -- In a landmark legal decision yesterday, Chris Fillio defeated the City of Alexandria’s Real Estate Assessment Board at a hearing to dispute the Fillio’s 2006 Property Assessment.
“This is a great day for landowners everywhere, but especially for those of us suffering under the oppressive regime of The City,” heralded Fillio when reached for comment shortly after the hearing. “We are sending a message to government officials everywhere that they are hereby on notice to be accountable for their actions. No longer shall the common man be held victim to the whims and fancies of the money lords at City Hall.”
Having been unsuccessful in similar appeals each of the past four years, Fillio felt confident that the fifth time would be the charm.
“In past years, I’d prepare lengthy and detailed discourses to present to the Board in arguing our case”, noted Fillio. “But this year, I had the date wrong on my calendar and had roughly thirty minutes to prepare, including the optional shower and shave.”
Fillio later confessed that the compressed preparation timeframe forced him to focus on the facts and allowed him to stay the course in arguing his defense.
“It was really quite simple,” he offered. “The market has been softening. I know it, they know it…hell, the whole goddamn world knows it. The dirty little secret of property assessments is that these government cash whores will suck the last penny out of your funeral garb because they realize most people won’t bother to fight it.”
In a decision which may ripple across the national realty landscape, Fillio successfully argue to receive an adjustment of 2.2%, from $616,200 to $601,900. The net gain on the tax bill for the year will be $116.55.
When asked what he would do about the windfall, Fillio was predictably humble.
“I honestly don’t think our lives will change much with these new-found riches. We’ll still be the same folks we’ve always been.”
Rumors that the Fillios were seen later that week shopping for a new clock radio at a local Alexandria appliance store could not be substantiated.
